Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sleep, Who Needs It!

My camera has decided to take a trip to Provo, Utah in my daughter's room mate's car, so you, my two readers, may have to use your imaginations - or not - as some of the below visualization may be too nauseating.

Running on 2 hours (gross exaggeration!) of sleep, I was in a slightly grumpy mood this morning as I was getting ready for work. Why? Let's just say that my husband can be pretty active and loud in his sleep. Yes, I have ear plugs, sleep in a CA king bed, etc. - basically, anything I can think of in order to get a night's sleep, but on some nights, nothing works. I was running down my list of "Why John Really Bugs Me", when, in an unprecedented moment of self-reflection, I began thinking of a few of my cute (strange) little sleeping habits, which John seldom mentions but has had to endure for 32 years now.

So, in Letterman style-
****MY TOP 10 MOST IRRITATING SLEEPING HABITS****
(this is for you, Babe)

10. I frequently knit/crochet/talk in bed before I fall asleep.

9. I ALWAYS grumble about the sheets being too cold, and try to guilt John into laying on my side of the bed until he can warm them up for me which sometimes works. (we tried flannel sheets, but John's cotton underwear kept twisting around his neck, almost strangling him - a small price to pay for me getting some sleep.)

8. See previous: I have to sleep with a hot water bottle, woolly sock (really attractive, I know), 2 extra blankets, and sometimes a knit cap (again, attractive), and I won the birth-control pajama contest with my wide variety of modest (ugly) pajamas. One set actually had flying pigs on them.

7. I have to sleep with one knee up to my chest, the alternate leg straight, basically doing the splits on my side, with my arms over my head, sometimes smacking John in the face - and other vital spots.

6. For whatever reason, I only sleep 6 to 6 1/2 hours at the most a night, and no matter what time I go to bed, I always wake up at 6:25 AM.

5. Also see previous: when I'm awake, I'm awake, and when I'm asleep, I'm asleep; no semi conscious state - no wind down or snooze mode, and I'm impatient with others who are not like me- everyone else in the world.

4. I am told I snore, but I have never heard/believed it. All lies!

3. Once I'm asleep, nothing, NOTHING can wake me up forcing John to get out of bed for all strange noises, kids vomiting, pets barking, etc.

2. I am told I talk in my sleep - a lot.

1. (This is John's favorite) When I'm too tired to find my woolly socks or fill my hot water bottle, I put my ice cube- like feet between John's legs (well, up a little higher. Sorry for the disturbing picture) to warm them up, which causes him to spend an extremely painful, extra 1/2 hour trying to go to sleep with zero feeling from his waist down .